And other fables of how marriages end.

Does anyone find it interesting that the English language has a word for a woman who has a relationship with a married man, mistress, but we don’t have a word for a man involved with a married woman?

Oh, sure, we refer to men as lovers or paramours, but they don’t seem to hold the same hated (or heated) weight of the mistress.

L’affair scandalous.

TMC recently had a chance to chime on the subject of what to do when you believe life can not go on unless you confront the woman you know (or think you know) is the other woman in your marriage. You have to love the Huffington Post’s Advice Section. Not a day goes by where we here at TMC don’t learn something from their writers.

We hear stories all of the time about a private investigator this and a secret email account hacked that, and we wonder:

Did you spend this much time focusing on the signs your marriage was sputtering? If the answer is no, then what do you expect to find out by confronting a third-party. They can no more give you closure than they can offer insight into your spouse’s behavior.

Why? Easy. Your spouse is not ‘your spouse’ when they are with their lover. They are their best selves in many ways. They are chivalrous, they are in need of affection, they are content to listen to this woman, and they are considerate lovers.

And why are these men so different? Oh, the anecdotes we could tell, but we’ll stick to the easy ones:

Your husband doesn’t pay bills with this woman and he doesn’t raise her kids and he doesn’t spend more than a few hours a week with her. She is everything you are not, simply because he doesn’t have to actually connect with her fully if he doesn’t want to.

And him? Well, he’s everything he believes he’s been holding back on being because there is no one there to remind him to empty the garbage.

But, dear reader, let’s go back to calling the other woman. What will you say and why? Is it to protect her from possible lies or is it to get her to see your side. Truthfully, we almost want to believe that if she saw your side, she wouldn’t be having sex with your husband in the first place.

Is it for closure? Closure comes from within.

Tell your husband you know about his affair. Decide if you can stay with him if he even can own up to the issue and work on his role in your marriage’s demise, then look at yourself and ask if you played any role in your marriage faltering. Once you have that answer, ask yourself if you want to stay.

Read “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay” and then dig deep.

Getting over an affair takes a lot of work on both sides. Ideals have been shattered, trust has been broken, love may have eroded. Or perhaps not. Perhaps you’ll be one of those couples who become stronger. And it is true that many people can move on as a couple.

But whatever the decisions are…the answer doesn’t lie within another person, it lies within yourself and your ability to forgive your spouse, and, if need be, yourself.

Let me just get the obvious out in the open: TMC loves the Yankees. We bleed blue and white and we would never, ever do anything to jinx our beloved New York team, especially not during Spring training. No way, no how.

But this story is too deliciously appropriate not to share with you. You know how we always hear people say they can get over sex, but not an emotional affair?

Well, our man Brian Cashman highlights the extreme case of what can go wrong with you bring sex and crazy together. Now, we’re not clinicians, so we don’t know if anyone is medically not sane, but this story is crazy so that’s how we’re going to use the word today.

Now, you’ve got to read this whole story to believe it, but let’s just say that:

Brian Cashman allegedly had an affair;

The woman he allegedly cheated with either stalked him or didn’t;

Cashman’s wife moved out;

Mrs. Cashman will probably live very well after the settlement is done.

Mr. Cashman really has no one to blame but himself.

Sidebar: We use ‘allegedly’ because we learned a lot from Star Jones over the years. Thank you, Star.

Apparently, someone could have used some TLC, we mean, TMC advice, but since he didn’t ask, we’re going to just remind all of you that:

We don’t make judgments here;

We want you to be safe and by safe we mean: Use protection; keep your head on straight; don’t let your lower half dictate the terms of the rest of your body.

Be careful who you invite into your bed and more importantly, your life. That sweet, endearing person who makes you feel like a rock star might just be your downfall.

Don’t say we didn’t try to warn you.

Friends, you know the drill: If you can’t be faithful, be careful.

Ladies and Gentleman,

TMC brings you reason number 1 why we sometimes long for the good old days.

You know. The days when men and women kept their affairs a secret.  Remember?

Yes, neither do we. It seems like everyone wants to spread the wealth, while their spreading their legs and well, that’s all great because that will keep us in business for a long time to come. But sometimes you gotta wish people would keep their mess in their own playground.

Where The Hell Are Your Morals?

Here we go again. Whether you are single, married, dating or just dying for a quick hook-up, your friends and family probably have a lot of advice to give you.

Date this person because they have these qualities. Stay away from that person because they lack every imaginable attractive skill known to mankind. Do. Don’t. Stay. Leave.

You name it.

A few years ago I had a chance to read a book called “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay” and I have to admit that, for someone who is rarely at a loss for words, this book seemed to know exactly what I was struggling with at the time. Namely, I had fallen out of love with my friend while admitting that my spouse and I had never really been in love in the first place.