Here we go again. Whether you are single, married, dating or just dying for a quick hook-up, your friends and family probably have a lot of advice to give you.
Date this person because they have these qualities. Stay away from that person because they lack every imaginable attractive skill known to mankind. Do. Don’t. Stay. Leave.
You name it.
A few years ago I had a chance to read a book called “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay” and I have to admit that, for someone who is rarely at a loss for words, this book seemed to know exactly what I was struggling with at the time. Namely, I had fallen out of love with my friend while admitting that my spouse and I had never really been in love in the first place.
I looked long and hard for advice from the people in my life. I wanted someone to help me understand why I was feeling so removed from my home life and what I could do about it, but all I heard was:
Don’t leave, you’re Catholic. Where are your morals?
My morals? Hmmm….I didn’t know the answer to that. 20 years ago I would have placed a lot of judgment on anyone who cheated. Now, 20 years later, I have learned that I don’t have the Holy Grail of knowledge about why people do what they do. I only know that every day someone out there strays and the reasons are all wonderful and suck at the same time.
And ladies, it isn’t just men who are having affairs so please don’t kid yourselves. You, yes, you ladies, are cheating (or admitting to it) a lot more than you might realize. In fact, researchers from Indiana University at Bloomfield conducted a recent study and found that 23% of men admitted to cheating, while 19% of the women in their study said they had cheated on a partner. That’s not a big gap, and each year we find the gap closing.
What’s this all about? Easy. A few generations ago women stayed home and raised babies. They cooked, cleaned and waited on their husbands. Then things changed and women started working outside of the home. It’s hard to tell someone they have to stay in a bad situation when they have options and that’s where we are now.
Yes, ‘starter marriages’ have become quite the trend and, believe it or not, we here at TMC don’t love the concept. However, even for those couples who have outlasted the ‘starter’, marriages sometimes things don’t work out. We get it. We’re here to help. Or try.
We also believe it isn’t always about your morals. Because let’s face it, if it was your morals that got you to thinking that you were about to marry the right person, even though you had your doubts, maybe your morals were feeling a little bit fuzzy.
As we travel around the net we see a lot of websites devoted to the practice of telling people they are monsters for falling out of love with a spouse while falling in love with someone else. What if, just for a moment, we tried this instead:
Love sometimes ends. Make peace with that and do your best not to damage your entire circle of family and friends while you figure out what to do.
Wouldn’t that be more helpful to you instead of hearing…Cheater. Asshole. Bitch. Monster.
That’s us…TMC, better than Mother’s Little Helper.
Remember, stay classy and if you can’t be faithful, be careful.
A TMC update: Hey, you, why not go check out your moral aptitude right now!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/29/heinz-dilemma-on-youtube-_n_1387992.html
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